I’m Alone And Lonely

basement

Sometimes I just feel alone. I often sit in my basement, due to an injury, self-inflicted, but nonetheless, I spend a lot of time here.  Roughly a year ago I split up with someone who I had been with for what felt like six decades, but it wasn’t going anywhere due to the fact that I couldn’t get her to forgive me.  Forgive me for cheating on her so early in the relationship when I tried repeatedly to break up with her because I was not ready.  Well, we never broke up and we tried to tough it out, but every argument came back to the same mistake I made. 

This is where the most special person I have ever met came into my life and showed me there is a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone.  After my break up, this girl and I became best friends and were inseparable.  Only problem was she had a boyfriend who she was having her own problems with, which ended up with her and I falling in love.  But the only problem is that she can’t separate herself from him far enough to try and be happy on her own, and now I’m sitting here waiting for her.  Which I totally think is worth it, but I’m afraid no matter how many times she tells me that it’s not going to happen, that she might fall out of love with me.

We are supposed to spend time apart for her to find happiness, and with her I had found happiness.  I knew what things made me happy that I could do for myself because that’s where I feel alone most of the time, so I was always forced to find happiness by myself and do the things I loved.  It’s just this time I found the person I wanted to share this with and she’s kind of at a different end of the spectrum because she’s had two long relationships and has never been by herself.  So now with spending time apart, I’m afraid I’ll lose her.  And I don’t have very many close friends anymore.  So here I sit in this lonely basement.

image- matthewreid


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